When people ask what made the biggest difference in my parenting, they expect me to say something about strategies, routines, or therapy, all connected to my work as a Behaviour Support Practitioner.
But the truth is, none of that changed my life like this did.
Because here’s the thing: my neurodivergent children’s behaviour didn’t change.
The school still called. There were still meltdowns, hyperactivity, big emotions, and all the unpredictability that comes with raising neurodivergent kids.
But somehow, parenting felt easier.
Not because it was easier, it wasn’t, but because I wasn’t constantly bracing for the next thing.
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I Didn’t Realise I’d Been Holding My Breath for Years
For the first four years of my twins’ lives, I lived in fight-or-flight.
Always on alert.
Always scanning for what could go wrong next.
The co-regulation, the sensory load, the advocacy, the appointments, the behaviours, it was constant.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, I forgot what it felt like to rest. I thought a monthly massage was enough (or that’s all the guilt allowed me to dedicate to myself as a mother).
Eventually it caught up with me.
Burnout turned into chronic fatigue, and my body slid into what’s known as freeze or flop – the place your nervous system goes when it can’t keep fighting anymore.
When I finally stopped, I had no idea how to start feeling better and more myself.
I tried meditation, hypnosis, talk therapy, yoga nidra.
Anything that promised to improve your mental health, help you heal and find presence. Each one helped in tiny ways, but nothing shifted the deep exhaustion and stress that lived in my body.
Then one day, I stumbled across a program teaching gentle breathwork for nervous-system reset.
I remember thinking, “What have I got to lose?”
I started with 15 minutes a day. And slowly, something began to change.
My body began to exhale – for real.
I wasn’t holding my breath waiting for the next meltdown or the next phone call.
There was suddenly space.Space in my body.
Space in my mind.
Space between my child’s behaviour and my reaction.
The Change Wasn’t in My Mindset
It wasn’t my routines or my parenting strategies.
It was my nervous system.
This gentle breathwork activated the part of the system responsible for rest, connection, and safety – the ventral vagal pathway of the parasympathetic nervous system.
You might know it as the vagus nerve – the body’s internal brake pedal.
When we breathe in certain ways, we send a message: You’re safe. You can rest now.
And when the body feels safe, it naturally starts to unwind years of stored stress.
Most Breathwork is Not Safe for Parents of Neurodivergent Children
Most breathwork styles are designed to activate the sympathetic nervous system, creating intense, emotional, or cathartic experiences.
But for parents like us, especially those who are neurodivergent or living with chronic stress, our systems are already in that sympathetic fight-or-flight state from the relentlessness of daily life.
The hypervigilance.
The disrupted sleep.
The constant noise and sensory load.
The isolation, exhaustion, and the pressure to hold it all together.
We don’t need more activation. We need restoration.
That’s why I use a neuroaffirming, parasympathetic-based breathwork approach.
It’s gentle, safe, and supportive for parents whose bodies have been stuck in survival mode for far too long.
Instead of pushing you into release, it invites your nervous system to soften, at a pace that feels safe.
And as it does, it naturally unwinds the stored stress that was keeping you stuck in dysregulation, rebuilding your capacity to meet your child’s needs without losing yourself.
A Simple Practice You Can Try
You don’t need silence, candles, or spare time to begin.
You can do this right now, in the car, in the shower, at your desk, or sitting beside a child who’s bouncing off the couch.
It’s especially supportive if you’re neurodivergent yourself because it doesn’t demand stillness or focus. It simply works with your body’s natural rhythm.
Vagus Breath:
- Inhale gently through your nose for a count of four.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six, like you’re fogging up a mirror.
- Let your shoulders drop as you exhale.
- Repeat for two to three minutes.
That’s it.This longer exhale signals safety to your body.
You might not notice a huge change immediately, but over time, the tension you’ve been carrying begins to melt.
It’s subtle and gradual but profoundly powerful.
Piece by Piece, Everything Felt Different
As my body softened, my patience grew.
The noise didn’t feel as loud.
The chaos didn’t feel as heavy.
And, I could truly see my children, not just their behaviours, but their needs underneath them.
I didn’t have to fight my body to stay calm anymore.
It just happened.
Parenting was still hard, but it no longer felt impossible.
What I Want You to Know
If you’ve been running on empty, snapping more than you’d like, or feeling like there’s never any space for you, it’s not because you’re failing.
It’s because your body has been doing exactly what it’s designed to do when it doesn’t feel safe.
The good news?
Safety can be learned again.
That’s what I teach inside my free online workshop, Breath as Your Blueprint.
You’ll learn how to use your breath to calm your nervous system, reduce sensory overload, and find steadiness – even in the chaos.Because nothing about your child has to change for everything to feel different.
Imagine…
Picture yourself handling the hard moments – defiance, overstimulation, arguing, fighting – with a sense of steadiness inside.
Not because life got easier, but because you did.That’s what this practice offers.
It’s not about doing more – it’s about feeling different while doing what you already do.
And that’s where real peace begins.
✨ Join Me
Breath as Your Blueprint is a free online workshop where I’ll guide you through this exact process – helping you feel more steady, confident, and connected, even amongst the busyness and bigness of parenting.