A New Possibility
What if the beliefs you carry from childhood, like “I’m always in trouble” aren’t just thoughts, but patterns that shape how you parent?
Once you understand the cycle, you can break it. You can shift your beliefs, regulate your nervous system, and parent with compassion and confidence.
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📖 Read below
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My Story: The Belief That Followed Me
I grew up thinking I was a naughty kid. I felt like I was always getting told off – by my mum, family members, friend’s parents, teachers, even principals. I carried around the belief that “I get into trouble.”
That belief followed me into adulthood. In my final year of university, I lived on pure adrenaline and masking. Our fourth year of Speech Pathology was mostly practical – four days a week in hospitals and clinics. I was so sure I would “get caught” and “told off” that my survival system was in overdrive.
I’d get in early, stay late, study extra, and pretend I was fine, confident, and capable. I used to say to my mum, “I can’t believe I’m getting away with this – I must have such a good poker face.” Inside, I felt like an imposter.
Every time I got an email, phone call, or had to meet with a supervisor, my stomach dropped, my heart raced, and I braced myself “to get into trouble.”
On the outside I looked like I was excelling. I passed every placement with glowing feedback and was even awarded student of the year (which for me was a big deal, having never been awarded with academic achievements in my life!). But the belief never left me. It showed up in every job I had. Whenever a boss called or emailed, my body instantly went into survival mode.
The Behaviour Cycle: How It Works
The way the adults in our lives respond to our behaviour doesn’t just shape how we parent – it shapes the beliefs we carry about ourselves. And those beliefs live in the body.
Let’s break down the cycle:
1. Conditioning and Beliefs
We inherit unspoken rules and expectations from how we were raised. These echo in our heads:
“Don’t talk back.”
“Good kids do as they’re told.”
“Parents must always be in control.”
Over time, they become beliefs – about ourselves (“I’m the bad kid”), about our kids (“They’ll walk all over me if I soften”), or about parenting (“Discipline means punishment”). Some are conscious, others live deep in the body.
2. Nervous System
When something challenges those beliefs – like a child’s defiance or chaos – our nervous system perceives threat. Stress hormones rise. Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn takes over. We react instead of pause.
3. Behaviour
Our reactions flow straight out of the cycle: yelling, threatening, shutting down. Our dysregulated nervous system can then trigger our child’s system. Both sides are stuck surviving, not thinking.
Why This Cycle Feels So Hard to Break
Even if we “know better,” our nervous system often pulls us back into old habits before we can think. That’s why information alone isn’t enough. We need tools that support our nervous system, shift our beliefs, and rewrite our conditioning.
How Childhood Shapes Core Beliefs
If you were often in trouble, you may have learned:
“I’m the bad kid.”
If you were told to “toughen up,” you may have learned:
“My feelings don’t matter.”
If love or approval felt conditional, you may have learned:
“I’m only good enough when I behave a certain way.”
These aren’t just passing thoughts. They sink deep into our nervous system and become the lens we carry into adulthood and parenting.
My New Belief
Now, I actually feel capable. I see myself as having knowledge and expertise to share. Mistakes don’t scare me – they’re part of learning. I don’t feel like an imposter anymore.
This shows up in parenting too. If I lose it or my kids have tricky behaviours, I’m quick to forgive myself, show compassion, admit when I wasn’t okay, and get curious about their behaviour. I keep doing the work to support us all.
Your Turn
My story is just one example of how beliefs can shift. The same is possible for you.
Think about the last time you felt yourself snap…
- What old rule or voice was driving you?
- What belief kicked in?
- What happened in your body?
- How did you react?
- And most importantly: what new belief would you like to carry instead?
Simply noticing the cycle is the first step in breaking it. Every shift, no matter how small, opens more space for connection, compassion, and peace in your family.
Looking Forward
This is the heart of The Behaviour Blueprint: behaviour isn’t about quick fixes or discipline strategies. It’s about understanding the deeper cycle and creating shifts at the level of the nervous system, beliefs, and connection.
When we interrupt the cycle, even just once, we open the door to more peace at home. And the more we practice, the more natural it becomes.
💬 I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Your story might give another parent the courage to shift their own cycle too.